The Imposter
by Nibiru-Mul
Summary: Parody of the recent cover controversy. There is an imposter in Green Gables. She's blonde, buxom, and using Anne Shirley's name to commit all sorts of chaos. But what will happen when the real Anne shows up?


_**DISCLAIMER: **__This is a PARODY. I wouldn't make fun of the actual Anne of Green Gables books themselves - just the laughable cover. I don't own Anne of Green Gables or any of the related characters._

_This story is rated M for innuendo, cursing, and crappy anachronisms. It is not for anyone under the age of 16._

_**BACKGROUND INFO:** A few months ago, a publishing company released their edition of Anne of Green Gables. The book was a compilation of the first three Anne of Green Gables books. The only problem was this: they decided to make the cover girl a buxom blonde leaning on a haystack with come-hither eyes and a sexy flannel shirt. I mean, what were they thinking - putting a blonde with boobs on the cover of a book about a little red-headed girl? So I decided to write a story where the blonde cover girl decides to take over _

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**THE ESTATE ONF NIBIRU-MUL PRESENTS**

**THE IMPOSTER**

**OR, THE TRAMP OF PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND**

Long ago, there was an orphan. She was a buxom blonde sixteen-year-old with a plaid flannel shirt, Daisy Dukes, and pink cowboy boots. No one knows how a girl in the late 1800s would have worn Daisy Dukes, oblivious to the social standards of the time. This blonde called herself Anne Shirley, though it was said that she had stolen the identity of another girl. Anne enjoyed going to the mall with her girlfriends and buying the latest CDs, make-up, and bikinis, despite this being the late 1800s and therefore anachronistic.

One day, Anne was shipped to Prince Edward Island because the orphanage who owned her wanted to get rid of her - they said she was immoral. Anne was talking on her cell phone all day, getting plastic surgery, and pole dancing.

Let's see what's going on where Anne was shipped. She meets two people - a boy and a girl. The boy approaches Anne carefully.

"Greetings," said the boy. "My name is Matthew Cuthbert, and this is my sister Marilla."

"Greetings, loved ones," said Anne, shaking her hips. "My name is Anne Shirley."

"Good heavens!" said Marilla. "Why is this girl dressed like such a harlot?"

"Anyway," said Matthew, trying not to cringe, "we are going to take you back to our house to Green Gables."

In the carriage on the way to Green Gables, Anne did nothing but talk on her cell phone.

"Anne," said Marilla, "can you please put that stupid thing of yours away?"

"SHHH!" said Anne, wagging her finger. "I'm on the phone with my friend. She got the new Paris Hilton perfume."

"Who is this 'Paris Hilton'?" asked Matthew.

Anne, Matthew, and Marilla arrived at Green Gables. When Anne got out of the carriage, she combed her golden tresses and walked seductively to the house. She waited for Matthew and Marilla to go inside. Then Anne closed the door with her butt. Matthew and Marilla thought that Anne would be harmless. But, as it turned out, they were wrong.

The rest of the day was awful. Anne would not help out with any of the farm work. When she was supposed to milk the cow, Anne was putting on her make-up and reading tips on how to get bitchin' new breast implants. Though of course, her breasts were not small and humble. When told to get water from the well, Anne leaned on the haystack, waiting for someone to take her picture.

"Excuse me," said Anne, "do you have a camera? I want my picture taken." She looked at Matthew with bedroom eyes.

Matthew's jaw dropped instantly.

At night, Anne would decorate her room with a poster of Gisele Bundchen in a thong bikini. The rest of the household cringed at Anne's display.

The next day was a school day. Anne was sent to school. Since she was a bad girl, she decided to wear a slightly unbuttoned shirt to school. When Anne's teacher noticed it, she nearly had a heart attack.

"ANNE SHIRLEY!" she yelled.

"What, bitch?" asked Anne.

Anne's teacher walked up to her and slapped her.

"We DO NOT run around in school dressed like prostitutes!" said the teacher.

"But I wear this everyday," said Anne.

The teacher then noticed Anne's voluptuous breasts.

"And why are your breasts so big?" she asked.

"I got implants when I was 13," said Anne, "but I think I need bigger ones now. And why don't you get someone? You're so old and ugly..."

The teacher was so disgusted, she kicked Anne out of school.

"Oh well," said Anne, "who needs them? I'm going to go into town and look for some boys to make out with."

Anne went into town. She was walking with a swing. She found one man who she found attractive. She decided to kiss him. The man slapped her and ran away. Then Anne had a brilliant idea - she would play some pranks on the townsfolk. She annoyed them to death with her crappy Katy Perry songs, making them listen to "I Kissed a Girl" and "California Gurls". But Anne didn't care. She was a bitch.

Anne laughed wickedly at her triumph. Eventually, she was stopped...

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" yelled a voice.

Anne looked behind her. She saw a young girl with red hair in braids and freckles. She wore a dress with puffed sleeves.

"Who are you," asked the girl, "and why are you stealing my story?"

"I'm Anne Shirley," said Anne.

"No you're not!" said the girl. "_I_ am the real Anne Shirley. You are an imposter!" As it turned out, the girl really was Anne Shirley. Fake Anne (the blonde one) had kicked Real Anne (the red-headed one) out of her own book. Real Anne was placed in a cargo box, and managed to get herself out.

"Who cares?" asked Fake Anne. "I should be the one telling this story. I'm bigger, I'm stronger, and I have something you don't - breasts!"

"Oh yeah?" said Real Anne. "This is my story! I'M THE REAL ANNE! This isn't your story. Why don't you go back to the prison you came from?"

"But the people love me here," said Fake Anne. "I made them have fun. And all the men think I'm the hottest girl in town."

The men in town begged to differ.

Matthew and Marilla came running over.

"Anne!" said Matthew, looking at the red-headed girl. "You must be the real Anne."

"Yes I am," said Real Anne.

"Wait a minute..." said Marilla, "if you're Anne, then...who's that?"

"Okay, I admit it!" said Fake Anne. "I'm an imposter! I took over the book because I was jealous of a stupid little redhead getting the damn starring role. Well listen up, you rednecks - sex sells! I should be the star! I'm pretty and I'm talented. People bought the cover of _Anne of Green Gables_ with me on it, right?" What Fake Anne didn't notice was that there were a bunch of dark figures approaching.

"Let's get out of here!" said Real Anne.

Matthew, Marilla, and Real Anne left, leaving Fake Anne with the dark figures.

Fake Anne saw the dark figures. She saw that they were a bunch of Ringwraiths. There were nine of them.

"You're coming with us," said their leader.

The leader grabbed Fake Anne. He and the other dark figures dragged her out of Prince Edward Island and into another dimension.

"Where are you taking me?" asked Fake Anne.

"You're going home," said the dark figure leader. "Back to the present, where we will put you back among your own people. The people of Green Gables will not remember who you are, and it will snap back into canon. We're going to let you off the hook this time, but heed my words...if you mess up with any other books' canon, we will take you to court and sue you." He turned to the reader. "Whatever you do, DO NOT buy any _Anne of Green Gables_ cover with this girl on it!"

Anne heeded their words and never messed up again. But when she got back to her own world, she woke up with sore breasts and rashes all over her. This was a reminder to never fuck up any more books.

**THE END**

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